filling the whole.

pumpkin and apples, oh my!

2010-11-03T20:43:00.000-07:00

so i highly recommend this recipe from my newest favorite foodie site. i used fire roasted tomatoes from muir glen for that smokey flavor and topped it off with a babybel...superb. definitely a new favorite.

also made a fine batch of cooked apples tonight. in the mix:

10 honeycrisps (cored, not peeled)
2 tsp. lemon juice
1 Tbsp. agave nectar
1 Tbsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg

and no sugar!!

i foresee awesome apple oats in my near future...

summer fades to fall...

2010-10-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

i'll admit.

blogging on this particular site has been the furthest thing from my mind.

i faced a challenging summer with regards to my health, and i honestly think a lot of that stemmed from taking the summer off of yoga. doing yoga on a consistent basis keeps my [spiritual/mental/physical] health and well-being at the forefront of my mind.

i also spent a great deal of time chasing around a two-year old which left me completely spent at the end of the day and longing for my recliner instead of my treadmill.

that's not to say that i didn't watch what i ate; in fact bill joined weight watchers to help support me.

and the ~~ass~~ guy lost nearly 50 pounds.

i didn't lose quite that much.

i did try to get out and jog as much as i could without my girl. she's not nearly as big a fan of the stroller as she used to be. this limited the times of day i could hit the trail.

all that being said.
we are back on track and better than ever, which is why i decided to revamp and revitalize the blog.

so to start:

i am officially down past the point i was at when i found out i was pregnant. i am still doing my weight watchers but have also begun to integrate this:

this was all bill's idea. he saw the infomercial for P90X while on the treadmill one morning and thought it would be a great way for us to, A) get fit, and, B) spend time together. we are nearly two weeks into the three month commitment and i have to say, he was right. we are both seeing progress, feeling muscles we didn't know existed, sleeping better and learning about what our bodies can do (and what they have the potential to do).

i won't lie; i was not at all excited about this new adventure. i figured we would shelf it after the first few attempts. but we have stuck with it and each time i find myself reaching a little farther, lifting a little more and doing a few more reps than the last time.

***

this new found progress has me geared up and moving ahead. into fall. which means things that could be potential obstacles: chili, stews, baked goodies, thanksgiving feasts, christmas cookies...the list goes on and on. so i am currently pursuing lots of new alternatives. take last night's meal for example:

we (all) love chili, especially this time of year. my recipe is a spin-off of my mom's. it's easy and takes very little time to throw together. you need:

1 package jennie-o extra lean ground turkey (this in place of ground beef)
3 cans chili beans (your choice)
3 Tbs. chili powder
tomato juice (add to your liking of consistency)
3 capfuls white wine vinegar

the secret to the chili is, once you have drained and rinsed two of your three cans of chili beans, you pull out your handy food processor...

it's chili, not soup. it's supposed to be thick. plus, adding this step saves you from having to add tons of oyster crackers (thus increasing the caloric properties of the chili).

this is always a crowd pleaser at our house.

we decided to top off the evening with a two ingredient cake i found via one of my blogs.

one box spice cake mix, one can pumpkin puree. no need for eggs, oil, milk, etc. just mix and bake according to the boxed directions. yum.

***

i'm encouraged by my our progress and hope to do a better job of keeping this updated. i wish i could promise daily updates, but i have come to the conclusion that it is just not feasible. however, i do think maintaining the blog helps me stay focused, so i hope that you will see more of me here as well as here. you may find pieces of this site in those posts and vice versa.

stay tuned...

watching my weight.

2010-06-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

hey guess what?

i'm already ten pounds down from where i started just over two weeks ago.
more to come very soon on recipes that are working, tricks i have found and where i'm getting my chocolate fixes...as soon as i can find the cord for the camera.

how's the summer fare treating you?

weight watchers: revisited.

2010-05-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

so.
as i mentioned before, i am a former weight watchers participant. i had success with it, then strayed, then dropped out completely and proudly announced 'i can do this by myself. i know how to eat well!'

that was nearly twenty pounds ago.
augh.
just to type it makes me want to get on a treadmill and run until i fly off of the back.

mind you -- i am not someone that pulls out the ice cream every night after my child goes to bed and polishes off half of it before i realize just how far into it i am...that is so last year. but apparently i am someone who doesn't realize just how much i am consuming. i try to be a mindful eater (although that proves difficult with a two-year old) and i am fairly conscious of my portions. i work out regularly. i feel like i'm doing everything right.

but apparently i'm not.

this is my 'progress', for lack of better word.
see that little star at the bottom...the one near the left-hand side? that was when i hit my first 5% goal...back in october. since then...well, i have no idea. thanksgiving? christmas? missing the treadmill for months? needless to say, the 5% goal now is a little different.

so i've reenlisted.
apparently, i'm not as much the nutritionist that i thought i was.

the blog won't change. but my eating habits might will.

experiment.

2010-05-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

the pictures aren't great.
i have decided to revert back to our samsung point and shoot in the hopes that i will do a better job of uploading pictures quickly (i love the 50D, but it's so big that i don't always feel like taking the time to lug it out...)

so.
with that having been said, i present you with a little experiment.
which came first:
the chicken
or
the chik'n?

can you see the difference?
which one is it?
is it this one...?

or is it this one?

we had chicken salads for dinner tonight. as a matter of watching calories, i have been substituting more and more vegetarian options into my meals. i have actually very much enjoyed them. so has charlie.

so which one did you pick?

bill still prefers the real thing to that 'tofu crap'.

but remember, he didn't like salads when i met him. i may convince him yet...

hopefully tomorrow i'll get back on the treadmill. the stress has gotten the better of me the last few days and rather than work it off, i've been hitting the pillow quite early. the body needs that too, i suppose.

what have you tried that you thought you wouldn't like but did?

bowl o' taco OR frayed at both ends.

2010-05-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

no pics today.
i was in such a hurry to eat last night post-yoga so i could roll around the floor with charlie that i didn't take the time. but i must say, it was deli-sh. so when i make it again (tonight? tomorrow?) i promise there will be pictures. here's what i threw together:

in the bowl o' taco:

handful of archer farms organic yellow tortilla chips (crushed)
1/4 c. texas caviar (see recipe below)
1/4 c. Morningstar Crumblers with taco seasoning
Pinch o' cheese
Dallop o' sour cream (~ 1 T.)

texas caviar:

2 cans organic corn (white is best, yellow will do)
1 can organic garbanzo beans (i love that word...garBANzo beans)
1 can organic black-eyed peas (they were out -- i used navy beans)
4 green onions, minced
2 T. garlic, minced
3 T. jalapenos, minced
4 T. parsley (fresh!), chopped
8 oz. italian dressing (i used Newman's Own Organics)

be sure to drain the corn, beans and black-eyed peas, mix all together and refrigerate. keeps up to two weeks.

needless to say, my bowl o' taco was awesome-o.

i have an extremely intense month and a half at work and yoga was much needed last night. our intention was to 'dump the junk in your trunk' and i think, for the most part, it worked. i'm still dealing with some pretty heavy stuff and am struggling with a fair of amount of anxiety, but for the first time in several weeks, i found a sliver of balance last night and a sense of (all be it) momentary peace. i'm super excited about this and am hoping i can talk bill into helping me get on board. there are some great poses coming up that i'm eager to try. stay tuned...you may see more of me on here than you'd like!

so, speaking of frayed...what do you do to alleviate stress and anxiety? in the past, i would have turned to a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of wine or a gallon of chocolate ice cream (all three of which have crossed my mind from time to time). i'm trying to refocus that negative, nervous energy and turn it into something good. what about you?

screw the smoothie.

2010-05-06T06:52:00.000-07:00

so i have ultimately omitted nutrition from my diet in the last few days in an effort to eat less.
this has resulted in the consumption of several 'naked' smoothies.
it has also resulted in binge snacking at the end of the work day (a handful of fruit snacks, a handful of macadamia nuts, a spoonful of leftover birthday icing...in five minutes...you get the idea).

so obviously, starving oneself is truly not a good idea.

so this morning i revisited my oatmeal pot.
i think it missed me.
i'm feeling much better now.

in the mix today:

1/3 c. Bob's organic rolled oats
1/3 c. water
1/3 c. skinny milk
1 scoop chia

after the fact:

2 T. Big Chunk applesauce
1 t. almond butter

(i know, i know...i need to get out my camera...)

up next...

i have become obsessed with Morningstar products. don't get me wrong; definitely not nearly as good as whole foods, but not bad in a bind. i had made some of the Chik'n Fingers tuesday night following yoga and had some leftover. i split the batch, diced them up and threw them in with some spinach and cheese (mozerella...wasn't so sure about feta with the chik'n).

it's a new day and with each new day comes the hope for revitalization.

frustrated.

2010-05-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

has it really been nearly a month since my last post? yes, i suppose it has.

i think the lack in posting is due to some frustrations on my part.

yes, this has more to do with being healthy than being thin.

but let's be honest:

i'm 29 years old and carry that extra X chromosome and apparently with that comes the desire to conform to society's image (and the one in my head) of 'beautiful', 'attractive', 'fit'...blah blah blah.

i just don't get it.

i eat super well, portion control everything out. i work out nearly every day and do yoga at least twice a week. i don't smoke anymore. rarely drink. i'm more healthy now than i have ever been and yet...my body is not changing.

where is this magical metamorphosis?!?!

how did i go from this a year ago to where i am now?

charlie's birthday last year charlie's birthday this year

last night, following yoga, i was feeling a great sense of frustration. the intention set for the evening was 'patience', but being clean out of that particular virtue, my practice last night was very unfulfilling. i came home and decided hop on the treadmill for a "nice", two mile hike. i set the incline at mid-way and turned on metallica. i pumped five pound weights into the air as i strode until i thought my arms would fall off.

i am open to suggestions.

where do my weeks go...

2010-04-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

the food, the exercise, the healthy lifestyle...it's always on my mind, whether its in the front or the back. however, i'm terrible about getting it up here! as seems to be the trend, let's recap:

sadly, i don't have any new and fun recipes to share. we've been eating some of our staples (oats for breakfast; veggies, hummus and yogurt for lunches; homemade turkey burritos, annie's mac 'n' cheese with grass-fed beef sloppy joe's, and last night a bakery pizza that was awesome. pretty sure i overindulged on that one). the week has been non-stop go go go and it makes me wonder what life will be like when charlie is old enough to be in sports, music lessons and whatever other barrage of activities she chooses to partake in. i know i've said it before, but i really will get better about getting more pictures of our meals (that's more fun anyway, right?)
yoga has been sublime and i actually increased my practice this week. jennifer has been our stand-in yoga instructor while my regular instructor is on holiday. jennifer uses hatha free-style yoga and brings a lot of new things to my practice including vinyasa flow (intense and wonderful!) i have definitely noticed a change in my core strength and it has pushed me to move my body further (and check out that link...i mean, who wouldn't want to practice there?!)
i'm back on the treadmill but at (what seems like) a snail's pace because the running is just not happening. my hips are completely out of whack and my IBProfen consumption is on the rise again. there have been a few nights (like last night) when a percocet or glass of red sound amazing. something to help take the edge off. i am hopeful that if I can drop some weight, it will make carrying my ass around a little easier on my hips...i'm also hopeful that it will help me be quicker on my feet as charlie is all over the place these days.

keeping up with her is a workout in itself.

so my biggest complaint right now is that i'm not running. i feel like a runner...deep in my gut i want it so badly. i see these women who are out on the road and making pace and i so very much want to be in their shoes (literally and figuratively!) but for whatever reason, my lower extremities just keep getting in the way. at times, i've wondered if i am going to be one of those people that has to give it up. i don't want to -- a half-marathon is on my "to do" list, and if i can manage that, i might even tackle a full. time and patience are two things i have very little of...perhaps i'm just looking for the quick solution to get me running distance.

but i'm not ready to throw the towel in yet. i will keep up the walking in the hopes that it will lead back to brisker paces.

so i throw two questions out there today:

has there ever been something you desperately wanted to do? what boundaries did you have to work through to do it? were you able to work through those boundaries?

AND

what's on your iPod right now? i keep switching it up, but i'm getting bored...i could really use some ideas!

lazy girl meatloaf, lazy girl post.

2010-03-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

too much to catch up on. i'll let the pictures tell you.

mmm...muesli and greek yogurt.

our version of healthy mac 'n' cheese (this was a weekend dish).

annie's cheddar mac

peas

sausage

tonight's piece de resistance (via heather eats almond butter):

lazy girl meatloaf

1 lb. ground turkey
1/2 c. organic tomato paste
1 T. italian seasoning
1 t. salt
1 clove diced garlic
2 organic eggs

mix everything up, smear in a 9x13 pan and bake at 400* for 45 minutes (could have probably gone 40.)

note the side of green beans and sizable helping of berries. watching jamie oliver's food revolution has really reinforced for us the need for all things grown at meals AND to make sure that charlie knows the different between a potato and a tomato and a pepper...needless to say our grocery excursions have turned into very educational experiences for her.

and i'm diving into THIS and so excited about the coming months...

no pictures, but...

2010-03-26T06:34:00.000-07:00

let's take a look at the day.

applesauce and almond butter has become the staple for breakfast and replaced the peanut butter and jelly. i found this at target and fell in love. i very much like the strawberry sauce with the bananas, but i have just come to the realization that they make a TROPICAL one...must locate immediately.

yum.

in the mix this morning:

1/3 c. bob's red mill rolled oats (organic)
1/3 c. water
1/3 c. milk
2/3 large banana
sprinkle of cinnamon
1 scoop chia seeds
1/4 c. Grandma Hoerner's Big Slice Cinnamon Apple Sauce
1 tsp. almond butter (added at the end)

on the menu for this afternoon....

nutz over chocolate luna bar (mid-morning...love)
tuna salad with rice crackers
blueberry greek yogurt

also on the 'menu'; a nice chiropractic adjustment. hopefully we can get this hip back in place and then I can get back in place. i will get better about taking pictures again!

rut rut rut.

2010-03-25T07:03:00.000-07:00

that pretty much sums it up.
i have been in a funk for well over a month now with regards to my own health and fitness. my eating habits seemed to spiral into convenience before spring break. they have since recovered some, but my workout routine is lagging. let's back up.

for one reason or another, the impending spring break had me all kids of flustered. we battled a few late nights with parent/teacher conferences, and an endless barrage of other commitments. as a result, the fridge in our house became a reflection of the busy-ness in our lives; left over pizza, hot dogs, mac 'n' cheese, etc. foods of convenience that can easily be tossed into a microwave and thawed out/warmed up (thus the reason you haven't seen the normal amount of photos on here...i mean really, how embarrassing!?) not to mention how frequently i neglected my treadmill (for which i am now paying dearly.)

but this is what had me furious with myself.

june 2009 vs. march 2010

in less than a year, my whole body has morphed into something i am very unfamiliar and uncomfortable with. the strength i had built up before going to hawaii is gone (lack of motivation? lack of physical therapy? not sure...) but what i do know is i can't get up off of the floor without using upper body strength to do it. i can't get out of a chair without limping a few steps to find my gait. i stiffen up immediately. my hip seems to be out of place and my quadriceps are now nonexistent. running is painful. bending over to pick up charlie is enough for me to break a sweat (core strength? what's that?) and i know that the biggest reason for all of this is my own doing. i made the mistake of thinking that cardio (running) and yoga alone were enough to sustain me physically. but when you can't run well...well...what do you do? it feels like my whole body is going into atrophy. in conjunction with the poor eating habits from earlier this month...things are just going to hell!

so spring break, despite illness, was a chance for us to get back on track. that in combination with the warmer weather (hello grill!), has me geared up for a fresh start. may will come with its farmers' markets and longer days...good things are on the horizon. i'm hopeful that i can get back into physical therapy. i need to be reminded (again) how these legs are supposed to work. taking so much time off in the fall and early winter harmed me far more than i thought it would. and now i am on the path to a 5K in early may and i very much want to do it, but i have to get myself back on track first.

walk with me...

may day 5K: what d'ya say?

2010-03-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

i've been asked to run a 5K. in just over a month. and i'm thinking it might just be the motivation i need to get off my ass and get to work...

spring break woes.

2010-03-16T12:09:00.000-07:00

what is it about vacation that invites illness?

charlie was sent home last week with a fever. needless to say, LIFE gets put on hold when the girl is sick. there's lots of rocking and snuggling and sleepless nights. after several days, lots of tylenol and a few antibiotics, i was all set to send charlie back to 'school' yesterday and begin enjoying my spring break.

i couldn't wait to get outside in the new found warmth and start trying out my sea legs...er...jogging legs.

and then sunday night it hit - bronchitis (a nemesis i face at least once a year). i was so very aggravated. i actually dreamt of running last night and then woke myself up coughing. so i'm tripling up on vitamin c, following antibiotic orders and taking advantage of child-free afternoons to rest.

i did snag the latest issue of 'runner's world' magazine while waiting for my Rx today...so so so ready to hit the pavement. it's just on the horizon.

i hope you are all able to enjoy the warmer climates and staying healthier than us!

princess.

2010-03-09T07:28:00.001-08:00

i think i want to do this.
the way i see it, it will take me a good long time to train for (as it seems to take me longer to train in general). so by the time i'm ready to run it, charlie will be at an age where she can appreciate the park and all it has to offer.

could be fun...wonder if i could get my sister to do it...

in the mix.

2010-03-09T06:09:00.000-08:00

pictures to come...

i traded in my pb&j today in favor of something a bit warmer and less caloric.

in the mix:

- 1/2 c. bob's organic rolled oats
- 1/2 c. skim
- 1/2 c. water
- 3/4 banana (charlie ate the end)
- 1 scoop (~1 Tbs.) chia seeds
- dash of cinnamon
- dash of vanilla (the last of it!)
- 1 tsp. brown sugar
- 1/4 c. chunky applesauce (stirred in at the end)

not enough time for pictures today, but trust me on this...very good. tasted a bit like fall. i loved the combo of the apple chunks and the bananas that hadn't quite cooked.

i'm very much wanting to make tropical oats, but i have to find me some good coconut products first. between the bananas, fresh pineapple and coconut water we bought the other day, i'm nearly ready for a batch of hawaiian oats.

wraps on the menu for lunch...

sunday detox.

2010-03-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

i held a baby shower for my sister yesterday.

this resulted in far too much of...well...everything!

but it was fabulous and we all ate way too much and katie got beautiful things for baby girl.

and now

it's time to detox.

we had to zip out of the house this morning and i failed to eat beforehand. so i knew that coming home i had a choice; sit down with a bag of pop chips before having lunch or instead...

i opted for my peanut butter and jelly oats with a side of a triple shot, skinny vanilla latte. i'll be good to go until we fire up the grill tonight (ah, the perks of warmer weather!)

charlie has also decided that maybe oatmeal is not as bad as she thought:

this was after daddy had enticed her with malt o' meal fruit loops...very much not my choice.

and as an added bonus for the afternoon...fresh pineapple!

on the menu for this evening...grilled chicken kabobs! and possibly a run...

sleepy stander.

2010-02-26T06:03:00.000-08:00

i think it is safe to assume
that after TWO handstands last night (yep, TWO!), i won't be moving very quickly this morning.
in fact, it is probably safe to assume
that few people should try to interact with me until i've finished my oats and coffee.

i will say this
what an INCREDIBLE rush it was
to be upside down
pushing all of my energy into the ground.

highly recommend it.

ouch.

2010-02-25T06:23:00.000-08:00

in many ways, it's a good 'ouch', but an 'ouch nonetheless. after an extended hiatus from running (almost two weeks), i decided to hop back on the treadmill full force last night. some of that had to do with the excessive amount of peanut butter M&Ms i indulged in yesterday. some of it just had to do with the fact that it was long overdue and i needed to get moving again. i realized that warmer weather is just around the corner and i want to be conditioned so that when the thaw finally comes, i can hit the pavement rather than the belt.

i started out with mumford and sons, just to warm up (my newest musical love). once i kicked up the speed, i moved to my new PODRUNNER intervals podcast (thanks to my dear friend, meg, for the link to this!) i ran at 147 bpm, a modest speed, but good to get back into it. and WOW! talk about making the mile go fast! if it hadn't been my first time back on the belt in some time, i think i could have easily kept going. it's going to be a great tool this spring and summer and i train. the only problem i found was that it made it so easy, i hardly listened to my body. the right leg is quite a bit sore today, but nothing a little vitamin I (bprofen) can't kick.

tonight is yoga and i'm so very excited because tonight is HANDSTANDS!! that's right -- my new year's resolution come to fruition. last week we did urdhva dhanurasana...one of my favorites. this is one of those poses that makes you feel radiant.

it's especially exhilarating if you can get up on your tiptoes while in the pose. these poses have all been helping us to get to this point.

i can hardly wait!

monday: that's a wrap.

2010-02-22T17:43:00.000-08:00

this has become a close second to morning oats and works great when you oversleep (i really didn't have time to snap any more pictures than this...today was one of those days...) it's perfect for on the go...be sure to let the muesli set for at least ten minutes. more is better, but ten will do it. i also prefer it with greek yogurt, but i was out.

tonight's dinner was all about the wrap (so was today's lunch come to think of it...i made another great spinach wrap to get me through an afternoon of butt-cramping meetings).

we went the chicken caesar wrap route again tonight (say that three times fast). some things that made this one far more successful than last:

the wraps were awesome and provided great kick. the caesar was a far better choice than the marzetti we go last time.

we sided the dish with my favorite easy rice. this stuff rocks my socks; soft, flavorful and easy. i mean really:

we also sipped on some silk while watching sesame street and waiting for the chicken to cook. i'm completely addicted and don't even bother pouring it into a cup.

it was girls' night at home while bill worked late, which was fine because we had to eat around all the creativity that threw up on the table over the weekend...

after dinner, charlie and i split a banana for dessert...

in the meantime, oz took over the boppy pillow and sammy was just grateful to be laying by the fireplace.

and now for a little chai before diving into more work (and further butt-cramping...)

week in review and clarification.

2010-02-21T10:54:00.000-08:00

okay, dear readers, let's set the record straight before the rumors fly.
the trimester i spoke of in my previous post referred to our school trimester; not the trimester associated with any sort of growing life! thanks to erin for asking, though!

so i have been a terrible blogger and want very much to catch you up and get back on top of things, so let's do a quick review.

as i mentioned, it was a week of favorites, which also meant a week of what i would deem 'heavy' meals; lots of meat and starches (something i've been working on getting away from). however, because my husband is such a sport i decided to let him decide the menu this week.

monday night was my mother-in-law's famous burrito dish; i attempted to 'health it up' by using ground turkey (i have done this for years and it turns out my husband prefers it to ground beef), and layering mine with spinach and corn. not too shabby.

tuesday night was another favorite (and one i can only stomach once in awhile because of how 'heavy' it is). baked potato pizza. here's how it works.

cube two russet potatoes (organic is best -- the skins are so thin that this makes this vegetable especially vulnerable to pesticides and other chemicals). boil in water until soft.

while the potatoes are boiling, cut up one package of bacon (i prefer natural, uncured bacon...it's the little things that make me feel better about this dish).

fry this up in a pan (essentially making your own 'bacon bits').

you'll need a pizza a crust. i used a target store-bought one because of time, but would also recommend bob's red mill pizza crust mix.

layer the crust with alfredo sauce (i used buitonni light alfredo and only about 1/2 of package).

once your potatoes are cooked, spread those on followed by the fried bacon (be careful not to burn the bacon.) finally, top with cheddar cheese (i use reduced fat, no hormome). bake according to crust directions.

it's addictive.

after a week of heavier meals, i was pleased to get back to the store today with a 'fresher' menu. we started off the day with some overnight oats. in the mix:

1/2 c. bob's red mill rolled oats
1/2 c. skim
1/2 c. (or 1 container) stoneyfield maple vanilla yogurt
1 scoop chia seeds

i soaked the oats overnight and in the morning added raisins and a banana. yum.

after our grocery outing, we came home for lunch. i am toying with spinach and wraps and all sorts of fun things. today it was a mission spinach herb wrap topped with:

laughing cow garlic herb cheese (1 wedge)
handful organic spinach
3 slices deli turkey (natural)

i was pleased.

i leave you with a lesson in climbing.

climbing up...

is lots better than coming down.

to her credit, she hasn't given it up. who needs cardio when you have a one-year old?

i'm back on the band wagon and ready to roll this week. watch for more fun things!

in the works.

2010-02-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

i have a whole week's worth of stuff to catch you up on...very very soon.
until then...

check this out: size healthy.

i really want to do this, but i won't lie -- the tag in my jeans is how i gauge my progress (not the scale...i loathe the scale), so this may be difficult for me to do.

the week has been full of spinach, muesli (can't wait to share this with you!), some oats, some stress, some yoga and a new soundtrack. i've been reliving the tropics through the music we listened to while we got lost on the shoreline.

lots of pictures to come -- we've had a week full of 'favorites' at our house. burritos, skillets and baked potato pizza.

as soon as we can get through this trimester, i'll do a better job -- i swear!

mecca.

2010-02-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

i very very much wish we had one of these close by. i experience mecca for the first time in honolulu last year and have been missing it ever since. i have informed bill that when we return to oahu, we will immediately get off of the plane, obtain our car and head straight for whole foods to stock up on our meals for the week.

it's so not fair. not only am i forced to stare out the window at the upteen inches of snow, but i have to sift through the grocery stores for the good stuff (okay -- that's an exaggeration. i have mastered the aisles of target and know that i can always hit the hy-vee health section, but honestly...the selection is so minimal in comparison!)

if you live within 20 miles of a whole foods market and feel the need to send me product, let me know and i'll get you my shipping information!

***

edited to add this: i am wondering how all these various food bloggers are able to obtain samples of various wonderful foods? because i would totally be up for reviewing healthy food options! spread the word -- i'm in the market for samples!

back to it.

2010-02-06T20:25:00.000-08:00

it's been a tough week! a nasty upper resparatory thing took hold of me last week and joined forces with the grey skies to pull me down into a pit of 'blah'. i haven't hit the treadmill in over a week, my sleep has been decreased and my food choices have leaned more to the convenient side of life than to the thoughtful. so today being saturday, i am taking the opportunity to recharge, refuel and rejuvinate.

charlie opted for a deep chocolate vitatop for breakfast. i started the day off with my normal oats and decided to toss 'em in with the leftover peanut butter (i mean honestly -- it would be a shame to waste such wonderful protein!) they were extra peanut buttery at the bottom, which elicited extra coffee.

charlie and i decided to get out of the house and take advantage of the sunshine (although the cold weather permitted us from frolicking in the snow.) we made a quick run to target as i have had a hankering for tuna salad since reading angela's post. needless to say, i was sure to buy the chunk light instead of the albacore.

i threw in four cans with some miracle whip light (not a big mayo fan) and relish (can't find organic relish ANYWHERE!)

i sometimes like to add a hard boiled egg to the mix, but didn't feel like taking the time today. i mounted the salad on melba crackers and enjoyed along side some leftover veggies and dip from our uppercase living party last night. mom's veggie dip is by far a family favorite and while it may not be considered 'healthy', the carrots definitely are so it all balances out in my book.

rewind to our target adventure -- i was thrilled to find my yogi cereal on clearance on one of the end caps! this most probably means that target is officially going to stop carrying this (grr...grumble moan bitch and cry), so i went a little crazy and bought five bags.

once the tax refund comes, i may go buy the rest.

my hope is to hop back on the belt tonight despite the raspy lungs. i figure even if i just walk it, it'll be more than i've done all week. i also need to run through at least one yoga routine as i missed my thursday class. AND i need to make sure that i'm getting myself to bed enough. seems lately i catch my second wind at 10:00 at night and can't get to sleep until 12:00 or after...needless to say, 5:45 comes a lot sooner when i do that...

so, to recap. on the agenda for the week:

hit the belt.
hit the bed.
lots more veggies.
lots more vitamin c (note this boathouse mix i picked up to help fuel my immunity).
knit more.
read more.
play more.

i'm hoping this will help get me there...

hope you all enjoy your own rejuvination this weekend!

not forgotten.

2010-02-02T19:28:00.000-08:00

this cold/upper resp/ickiness has kept me down and out for the week.
appetite is null.
any activity outside of chasing charlie is also null.
i'll be back soon, though...bill has promised i can start using the 50D, so i'm hoping for better pictures if nothing else!

mixing it up.

2010-01-30T11:40:00.001-08:00

on the all of the food blogs i've been checking as of late, one of the overlooked vegetables i am seeing pop up more and more are potatoes. so i decided to test out the roasted potatoes with minute steak that i snagged from mom and dad's freezer and steamed asparagus (not nearly as good as fresh, but not half bad either.

i have been trying to include charlie in the preparation of meals as of late. she was more than happy to assist with the potatoes. she's quite the shaker (and stepper, you'll note). we tossed five russet potatoes with rosemary, thyme, garlic salt, olive oil and balsamic vinegar. num.

i threw the minute steak in with a few odds and ends. out of beef broth, i opted for all that i had on hand.

i baked both the steak and potatoes at 400* for about 40ish minutes.

fast forward then to today.

my best guy rose early with the bug and provided me with an extra two hours of sleep (i can't remember the last time i slept until 8:00!) it was heaven, considering the cold i have been battling recently. the extra rest was just what i needed. given my late entry into the day, i opted for one of my erin baker's breakfast cookies in place of my oats.

after a busy morning, we came home and charlie enjoyed a jelly sandwich before a later nap this afternoon. once she met her slumber, i caved in and decided to make a double batch of oats.

today and tomorrow.

i have recently been playing with chia seeds in my oats...

and am very much enjoying the peanut butter and jelly goodness.

since i decided to push my morning meal later, i opted to pull my evening drink in earlier and polished off my box of oregon sugar-free chai. i love this stuff, but especially love it late at night with either good reruns of 'the office' (via netflix) or a nice hot bath and a good book. in the summer, i will probably switch back to a glass of red. until then, i love this.

there you have it. my mixed up lunch.

update:

no baksana yet, but several sore ab muscles, so i must be doing something right!

bakasana.

2010-01-29T06:52:00.000-08:00

have i mentioned how much i love yoga?

i l.o.v.e. yoga.

i practice anusara yoga at a local studio and have practiced anusara for years. i find it to be the best fit yoga for me as i look to yoga practice as more of a solace than a workout. anusara is a branch of hatha yoga founded by john friend in 1997. anusara means flowing with grace/flowing with nature/following your heart. it's not super intense (although we are definitely pushed to our limits); it's more slow flow than vinyasa yoga (a very quick flow and a branch of yoga i turn to when i need more intense strength training) and allows [me] time to find the pose and correct it. i very much enjoy it and the center it brings to my life. i often leave with a sense of balance that i try to maintain through the week.

i was never an athlete in school. i tried my hand at soccer (liked it, but sucked at it) and volleyball (hated it...immensely). when i discovered yoga in college, i finally felt like i had found my 'athletic' niche. yoga was something i felt comfortable with and that i was actually pretty good at. yoga carried me through college, my pregnancy and my recovery after the accident. i regained 95% mobility in my right knee thanks to yoga. i may not have the body of most yogis, but make no mistake -- i can bend with the best of them.

so you can imagine my frustration last night at class when a new pose was given and i couldn't achieve it.

this is bakasana or 'crane' pose. it requires a great deal of core and arm strength (mostly core) and a tremendous sense of balance.

i could not achieve it.

and it drove me crazy.

after class, my teacher approached me and said, 'my gosh girl! you are so flexible!'

frustrated i responded, 'yeah, but i still couldn't get my feet off the ground.'

'it'll take time. it just takes so much core strength. build on that and you'll lift off.'

to me, core strength is so much more than your ab/back muscles. it's about the inner strength. i realized as i left class that i had a choice; i could be pissed and give up and just keep on with my down dogs, or i could push this issue and fight for this pose. i think i'm going to fight for the pose; i'll add it to my life list. after all, if i want to achieve a handstand yet this year, i better start somewhere.

the other thing that i'm certain is playing into my inability to perform the pose is my absolute lack of balance right now. i'm still so all over the map between work/home/mommy/wife/sister/daughter/friend/teacher/blogger/and oh yeah, just plain me. i know that i am going to have to work harder on achieving balance in the day to day before i can achieve it on the mat.

i'm ready to lift off.

daily mile.

2010-01-27T13:12:00.000-08:00

check out http://www.dailymile.com.

i'll be tracking with the widget on the side.

pretty nifty stuff.

a house divided.

2010-01-25T20:30:00.000-08:00

95% of the time, i make dinners that appease to (almost) everyone's taste. every so often, though, i have to accommodate the picky eater (ahem...bill).

tonight is one of those night.

bill has always loved chicken and rice (a-roni).

i adore tofu.

so i made both.

i marinated extra-firm tofu in teryaki for about an hour. i cooked it for on the stovetop for about 10 minutes. served with basmati rice and leftover broccoli.

charlie prefers the rice-a-roni, but would rather have the tofu than the chicken. such a great blend of the two of us.

for dessert (and a late-night snack post-run), i picked up a couple of bags of archer farms trail mix to test out. naturally, i was drawn to the chocolate cranberry crunch tonight and it didn't disappoint!

my mile was fairly effortless tonight...might be time to step it up...

have a great week!

food revolution.

2010-01-22T05:50:00.000-08:00

be sure to check out jamie oliver's food revolution. there is a petition that jamie is working on to send to the white house, and as someone who works in the public school system, i would encourage you to take a minute and read through the information. as both a teacher and now a parent of a child who will one day attend school, i whole-heartedly support his mission. be sure to check it out here.

forced fasting.

2010-01-21T06:21:00.000-08:00

i have been on a forced web fast for almost 24 hours. gotta love the weather...especially when it interferes with your internet access.

so let's get caught up (as it has been nearly a week since my last post...oy). it has been nearly that long since i ran as well. once again, my back and hip have failed me and i had to take a break from the treadmill. this was not a good thing for me -- i have become very accustomed to my evening runs and routine, and so to have to give that part of my day off really toyed with everything. i used that time, instead, to alternate ice and heat for three nights. i have also come to the conclusion that my ibprofen is broken as it does not seem to be working anymore. i would kill for a percocet these days...

i did, however, mount the belt last night and put in a 30 minute incline workout -- no running required to break a sweat. still...i was fairly sore by the time i hit the bed. yoga this evening...i'm hoping it will help limber me up. i'll head back into my chiropractor tomorrow as well and hope that she can pull me (er...pop me) out of this funk.

so needless to say, with minimal activity, i've had to be that much more mindful of what is going into my system. tuesday was 'turkey taco tuesday' at our house -- another crowd pleaser and very easy. ground turkey, beans and lots of color (lettuce, corn, salsa...so good).

last night we decided to try our hand at chicken wraps. we at these like crazy at subway my freshman year of college. bill would come to visit and arrive very late, so we would hit subway up at 10:00 at night for chicken wraps and sunchips.

in making them now, i used just bare chicken and lighthouse organic ranch dressing.

normally i would buy the chicken tenders for a meal like this, but they were out. so instead, i cut up six chicken breasts (i made extra for salads later in the week).

and then smothered them in the dressing. by the end of the night, i had used 1/2 the bottle (this includes what we used for extra topping.) i just eye-balled it for flavor.

the rest is left to customer choice. bill likes his with lots of ranch, parm, salt and pepper. i topped mine with provolone, leftover cous-cous, heaps of baby spinach, parm and ranch.

all in all, super meal. next time we may use a different dressing -- i love the lighthouse balsamic, but the ranch didn't have quite enough kick for me.

in other news, i finally attempted peanut butter and jelly oats.

totally worth the wait.

as we approach warmer weather (um...at some point it's bound to happen), we are looking forward to spring cleaning and further organization of life in general. charlie is very excited to help us fulfill some of these goals.

have a happy day.

faux blog.

2010-01-20T07:06:00.000-08:00

a real post is in the works, but until then, check this out.

feta, chicken and pasta...oh my!

2010-01-15T20:30:00.000-08:00

not our best shot...but she kept trying to shove food in her mouth and say 'cheese' all at the same time.

on the nights that bill closes, charlie and i are left to prepare the final meal of the day, whether he likes it or not! fortunately, plates were cleaned (twice) and the critics agreed...not too shabby!

here's how the meal played out:

1/2 box barilla plus penne pasta
archer farms organic feta spinach chicken sausage
buitoni marinara sauce
two packages athenos crumbled feta

i sauteed the sausage while the pasta boiled. once both were cooked (pasta to al dente), i combined them with the marinara and one package of the feta. dumped in corningware dish, topped with second package of feta and put in the oven @ 350* for 20 minutes.

the garlic bread were just unused wheat hamburger buns topped with brushed butter, parm and mozzarella. baked those for 10 minutes. side of green beans -- done!

all in all it was a great meal. charlie hasn't eaten like that in a few days; i'm glad she's willing to try my experimental meals.

guess that meal!

2010-01-15T15:37:00.000-08:00

here are your clues...

friday morning snapshots.

2010-01-15T05:44:00.000-08:00

i rarely get to post during the day because i always fail to take pictures, but this morning, charlie decided to rise early so i got in a few shots for blogging purposes.

i recently started adding flax seed to my oats. no taste difference, but they do tend to get stuck in my back teeth, so it is often necessary to keep a toothbrush on hand.

i've been spending the last few days dousing my oats with peanut butter in an effort to boost my energy as i approach the day.

it does work and i enjoy it very much, but decided it was time to throw in the raspberries before they go bad.

the thing i love about make-n-take oatmeal is that by the time i get to work and sit down to eat it, the brown sugar has melted to a sweet syrup and the berries are mushy and wonderful for stirring. the oats turn a a soft pink and the flavor is fantastic. a great way to get going. changing up the toppings makes it hard to get tired of oatmeal.

and since i never have a chance to talk about my lunches, i thought this would be an opportune time to snap a few shots. breakfast always takes a little longer to make, so i often try to take leftovers for lunch. i ate through the couscous salad i made earlier in the week and the spinach has gone bad, so i opted for leftover roasted vegetable pizza (courtesy of kashi) and stoneyfield raspberry yogurt. the luna bar is for mid-morning when i am swarmed with 13 8th graders vying for my attention.

have a wonderful friday!

i speak html.

2010-01-14T11:47:00.000-08:00

be sure to check out the new recipe finder on the left-hand side.

(see it? right....

<---- there.)

i haven't had tons of time to play with it

(nor have i had an opportunity to sit down and compose a decent post in the past few days)

but it looks like great fun and i'm very anxious to use it as we plan out our week-long menus.

there's been a lot of peanut butter oats in the last few days...the extra protein was intended to help provide that little 'boost' since i'm limiting my coffee intake these days. i've also started mixing in flax seed; not for flavor so much as the added fiber and omega 3.

yoga tonight. it's been several weeks and i can't wait to melt into the floor at the studio. open to grace. namaste.

berries and bones.

2010-01-11T20:01:00.000-08:00

it was a long day.

there was lots of stress today.

but let's back up.

i at least started the morning off right --

a nice big bowl of bob's red mill rolled oats with raspberries.

cue the drooling.

and then i left the house.

it must have been a stressful day because i purchased three of these and polished off a good portion of one bag.

note to self: work on stress eating.

we opted for an experimental alfredo dish and it worked out pretty well.

we used...

barilla plus rotini (about 1/2 box)
14 oz. chicken tenders
buitoni light alfredo sauce
sprinkle of parmasean
dash of whole milk
topped with mozzerella (last ten minutes)

we cooked the chicken and pasta ahead of time, then threw everything in a dish and baked for 20 minutes at 350*. i'm all about things you can throw together and cook.

i hit the treadmill again tonight; lots of loud, angry, stress-busting music (aka - metallica) and for the first time started to experience those familiar pains. time to bust out the ultrasound. here's how it works, for those that have wondered...

be sure to check out the muscle graft here...

this means i've used it a total of 80 times...don't tell dr. jack.

and lastly, i decided to try this in place of my yogi granola crisps...i'll let you know.

that's it.

i'm pooped.

chai.

the office.

bed.

have YOU seen my granola?

2010-01-10T20:08:00.000-08:00

stop the presses!

perusing the aisles during our weekly grocery excursion

i scanned my list

found myself in the cereal aisle and set out to obtain cheerios

(a charlie favorite and staple)

and my beloved yogi granola crisps.

i have only found these at my local target

(and upon doing a search found that this is the only place to buy them).

i looked

and looked

and looked...

i pushed boxes aside

i stood on my tiptoes

i made three trips up and down the aisle.

i was just short of pulling every box of cereal of the shelf.

they were no where to be found!

and of course the only place you can buy them online is in bulk.

so i ask you

in the void

have you seen my granola?

it looks like this:

please contact me immediately if found!

blackberries, however, were on sale last week at target and they had lots of 'em

evidenced by both my breakfast and dinner today.

1/2 cup bob's red mill organic rolled oats
1/2 cup fat-free milk
1/2 cup water
1 medium banana
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. brown sugar
a generous handful of blackberries

i still like the raspberries best. plain ol' peanut butter would be a close second.

this was quite possibly the best salad every though.

baby spinach
tomato basil feta cheese
couscous
blackberries
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 Tbsp. balsamic vinager

(complimented only by a leftover cheesy biscuit from red lobster last night!)

bug is not a huge fan of the spinach.

she much prefers iceberg.

however, since none of that was on hand

she enjoyed her annie's mac 'n' cheese and ian's gluten-free fish sticks.

now.

if anyone knows anyone currently employed by yogi

could you please give them my contact information?

i'm nearly out of granola crisps...

the hole in my whole living.

2010-01-09T14:23:00.000-08:00

it's been a few days. let's review before we get to the meat of the post.

thursday night was 'breakfast' night at our house

a crowd pleaser.

we decided to make french toast...

and what breakfast would be complete without eggs?

and i am convinced that by using all organic ingredients, we kept it [fairly] healthy.

i got a little post-yoga massage...

and this morning decided to live on the edge and opted for pumpkin oats.

so glad i did -- like thanksgiving or christmas in a bowl

1/2 cup bob's red mill rolled oats
1/2 cup fat-free milk
1/2 cup water
1 tsp. brown sugar
2 tsp. organic pumpkin puree
1 tsp. organic peanut butter

perfect on a day like this when i don't at all regret quitting smoking

far too cold to stand outside for a vice today.

there you go.

now about that hole...

i am a firm believer that living 'whole' means more than what you put into your body

and being healthy means more than how far you go on a treadmill.

part of living the 'whole' life means surrounding yourself with

well

'wholeness'.

the environment you choose to be a part of should help support the whole living lifestyle.

a huge key to this is organization;

a lack of clutter, a lack of the unnecessary, letting go of things that hold no relevance.

i've made progress...

i decided a more organized refridgerator and pantry would help support healthy living

and an organized work space would allow me to be more efficient and [hopefully] more motivated.

the hole exists in my bedroom.

it's more like a black hole in which a menagerie of laundry, yarn, books and blankets get sucked into.

i give you my side of the bed.

i'm beginning to think this could be part of the reason i wake up feeling unprepared to begin my day.

in other news.

i'm up to a mile.

where is the hole in your whole living?

yogamazing.

2010-01-05T19:43:00.000-08:00

but first, dinner.

i have found in past successes

and am again finding that a menu helps tremendously

both in planning for the week (crucial when a one-year old controls your home)

but also in cost-effectiveness and just plain good-for-you foods.

tuesday = hawaiian chicken skewers (adapted from my new hungry girl cookbook)

(this was a great meal, but it failed in its attempts to return us to the islands...)

we used...

- organic/free-range chicken strips (marinated in pineapple juice 45 minutes prior)

- 1/2 red onion

- red pepper

- green pepper

- fresh pineapple

- kikkoman teriyaki (used to baste)

in sub-zero temperatures, we threw the skewers on the good ol' george foreman grill and cooked 'em up.

have i mentioned this fabulous find?? seeds of change tapovan white basmati rice. stick in microwave for 90 seconds and...voila! instant side dish (with leftovers for lunch tomorrow!)

stuffed to the brim, we worked on baths and potty training, caught kick-off and put bug to bed. i was so eager to get out my mat and get on it...i haven't practiced yoga since the middle of december due to illness and the holidays. i was very much looking forward to some deep stretching...

i attempted a podcast and failed (i am very much a visual learner) and instead opted for chaz's yogamazing. holy flow, batman! this was nothing like my slow flow anusara class. chaz was hitting warrior two before i could even get past down-dog. a great practice -- my arms still feel like jell-o -- but i will be anxious to get back into my studio practice. i run best by myself, but yoga better around others (about the only thing i do well with people...huh.) however, i'm still determined to hit that handstand before 2011...

back to the belt tomorrow and blueberries are on the menu for the a.m....

oh, raspberries!

2010-01-05T08:15:00.000-08:00

sadly, no pictures to share today (as i have eaten the evidence).

however, i brief look at some of the delicious goods i have consumed in the last few days.

are you familiar with laughing cow cheese?

i discovered it in my [failed] weight watchers attempt and very much enjoy it.

i sampled the garlic herb on some flatbread and low and behold -- a decent snack!

last night's fare included lots of broccoli

and homemade 'hamburger helper'.

this is a bit of a farce since there is no hamburger in it.

instead, we make a batch of annie's macaroni and cheese and combine with 1 lb. ground turkey.

yep, it's just that easy and a huge success at our house.

(in fact, bill informed me the other day that he has come to prefer ground turkey over ground beef -- far less greasy and not as crumbly).

but the piece de resistance for me was what i devoured for breakfast this morning.

well, i didn't devour it.

i ate it slowly and mindfully because it truly warranted that much attention.

ready?

1/2 c. bob's red mill rolled oats

1/2 c. fat-free milk

1/2 c. water

1/2 banana

1 tsp. vanilla

2 tsp. brown sugar

post-addition:

1/2 c. raspberries (oh so GOOD!)

i was in a bit of a rush and didn't have time to eat at home this morning, so i packed it to go. i was afraid that my usual spoonful of peanut butter just wouldn't have the 'oomph' that it does when eaten fresh, so i decided to go with raspberries instead. SO glad i did. maybe not the same amount of protein as the PB, but a new taste and so good (have i mentioned how good it was?)

in other news --

i spent a solid hour on the treadmill last night. i worked on an incline for 30 minutes (envisioning diamond head as i huffed and puffed up the belt) and then, after tripping the breaker in the basement (i'm just such a monster), ran for a solid half mile. i realize that this is miniscule (would you believe i could run two miles consecutively when i was a smoker??), but i'll get there.

this is the year -- this is the year of the 5K.

past that, who knows. maybe i'll shoot for a 10K.

but for now, a 5K for sure.

my knees and right leg are paying dearly for the hour

but in a good way.

however, i think tonight would be a good night to take my new yoga podcasts for a spin

and give the belt a break.

here we go.

2010-01-01T07:30:00.000-08:00

happy new year.

i follow several food blogs, most of which i'm sure i will reference at some point or another.

one of the things that each of these blogs features is pictures of the food.

i don't know if they do this to show the reader what the final product looks like

or if it serves as more of a food journal for the blogger.

either way

i have a plethora of cameras lying around my house and decided to give it a try.

so i present to you the first meal of 2010.

i have become quite the oatmeal connoisseur since i began reading kath's blogs.

here's what's on dock today:

1/2 cup bob's red mill organic rolled oats

1/2 cup fat-free milk

1/2 cup water

1 banana

1 teaspoon vanilla

sprinkle of brown sugar

added after:

another sprinkle of brown sugar

1 teaspoon archer farm's organic creamy peanut butter (i must warn you...this stuff is highly addicitve.)

and of course, my coffee (with a splash of leftover eggnog creamer...mmm...)

i've been playing around with oats for about a week now and find them to be awesome...so much better than the instant and ten times more filling. i find i don't feel the need to snack before lunch and often can't even finish the whole bowl.

now the question is...will i make it to my treadmill today? stay tuned.

when sickness consumes the home...

2009-12-28T12:04:00.000-08:00

...very little gets accomplished.

charlie has been down and out for several days now with the works; fever, cough, snots, vomiting, ear infection, sore throat...you name it, she's got it.

and it's that sick that just pulls at your heart -- her eyes alone are as pitiful as anything you've ever seen.

and while all this is going on and i keep up with my blogs i think to myself, 'how do these women do it?'

then i remember:

they don't have children.

or a 9-5 job for that matter.

so i guess my challenge is this:

to live the lifestyle of the women on these blogs that i dive into

but tweak it so that it fits my lifestyle

because honestly, when it comes down to a choice of rocking my sweet girl or doing 20 minutes on the treadmill, sweet girl is going to win out every time.

KERF

2009-12-26T20:43:00.000-08:00

i adore this girl

and am thankful that i now finally know how to cook oats.

caving to temptation.

2009-12-26T14:10:00.000-08:00

there are just too many wonderful

horrible

things to eat in my house

and i have come to the realization

(that i already knew but which has been reaffirmed for me)

i have absolutely

will power.

take today, for example.

i really truly don't think i've eaten anything that wasn't covered in sugar.

brownies

more cookies

the 'pastry' i had for breakfast

(which i justified as a viable breakfast food)

even the coffee i picked up at target had been sprinkled with some sort of red crystal tastiness.

i was consistent on the treadmill for two days

and have since taken the holidays off.

what's worse

i put on my my christmas dress christmas eve night

a dress i purchased literally two months ago

and was crushed to find that the fit was too tight

and i had to settle for something else.

as much as it will pain me

the goodies are going to have to go.

the cookies

the brownies

the pie

the M&Ms (oh, the M&Ms!)

i cannot control myself

they are

each and everyone

my drug of choice.

***

as i consider all this, i think to myself

'if i just had a routine...'

a routine that would consist of

work

time to keep my house in order (a huge contributing factor to where i'm at)

time to prepare multiple meals

time to engage and entertain my child

time to knit

time to run

time to read

time to sleep

and i think

'if i just had a more organized life...'

an organized desk

an organized pantry

an organized closet

multiple organized closets

an organized car (oh it's horrible)

...

i digress.

ultimately

i truly believe that what is weighing me down

(and keeping the weight on)

is not just the cookies

but the clutter of life.

i feel so discombobulated 90% of the time

that it is easier to hide in the fridge than clean it out.

starting over...again.

2009-12-22T06:32:00.000-08:00

so, obviously my journey into whole living was placed on hiatus.

my last post was in june and since then

whole living has been placed on the back burner.

let's recap.

in june, i was feeling pretty good about myself.

i was finally running again.

i was active.

i was eating well and putting all the right things into my body.

i was bound for hawaii

and surprisingly excited to don tank tops and shorts.

all in all, i was pleased with where i was.

i became very comfortable in my body.

perhaps a little too comfortable.

after hawaii

after the sun

and the ocean breeze

and the hikes to the tops of oahu's peaks

i lost track of my physical self.

i had ceased nursing charlie and failed to realize what a huge impact that was going to have on me physically.

i began ingesting ice cream on a regular basis

and i failed to get up for my morning runs.

i began to experience chronic pain in the late summer months

and stopped seeing my treadmill all together.

so why was it

when autumn set in

that i was surprised to find that none of my clothes fit?

since august, i have joined weight watchers

stuck with it faithfully for a month

saw small results

and ultimately quit.

i gained no satisfaction from starving myself

i gained (lost) nothing from counting 'points'

and ultimately, i didn't experience the same feelings i had had prior to getting pregnant.

after much thought

and much flipping through blogs

i have come to the realization that it has nothing to do with my weight

and so much more to do with the 'weigh' i feel with regards to my body.

i remember feeling good about myself before getting pregnant

and this was in large part due to two factors:

1) regular exercise -- i was on a treadmill every day for at least an hour, i was hiking, biking and staying active.

2) the right foods -- i was living an organic, whole foods lifestyle and refused to eat processed foods.

i no longer feel 'good' about myself and i can come up with several reasons why:

1) lack of activity -- by 8:30 when charlie goes to bed, i crash and fail to mount my trusty treadmill. i opt, instead, for time with my yarn and a handful of M&Ms.

2) too much processed food -- for cost and convenience reasons. i have become a slave to my laziness and don't put the effort into my meals that i once used to.

3) partaking in holiday goodies...since october.

4) a lack of fluids -- i have to quit telling myself that coffee is just as good as water.

5) excessive (and mindless) snacking -- i have come to the conclusion that a bag of M&Ms can last a total of two days in my desk.

6) a lack of education and effort on my part -- i used to love reading articles and books about whole living options and made special efforts to get to local markets to purchase food.

7) a lack of 'me' time -- while i spend my evenings with my yarn, i really am not sure i take enough time for the things i love.

here's what it boils down to.

i am tired of feeling this way.

it's high school and college all over again.

i am tired of feeling run-down

i am tired of being a slave to laziness

i am tired of feeling like a stranger in my own body.

i want to be that girl on that mountain.

i want to be that girl in those jeans.

i want to be that girl running the 5K.

i want to be that girl that can say 'no' to the plate of cookies in the lounge.

so it's time to start again.

no more counting points.

no more counting calories.

instead, a focus on the best foods.

instead, a focus on constant movement.

instead, a focus on rediscovering myself in this skin.

i have been that girl before.

i know i can find her again.

finding my gait.

2009-06-26T04:53:00.000-07:00

it's been sometime since i posted to this site.
so.
in summation:
bill is NOT allergic to gluten.
we never truly figured out the culprit to his digestive problems
but we did find a solution - a medication that helps to keep everything in check.

now.
new chapter.

after six months of trying
i finally found my gait
at least it would seem.
or perhaps the gait found me.
either way
this morning's run was one of pure bliss
easy strides
long distances (ahem - for a gimpy girl...maybe a mile?)
and fewer breaks.
granted, there is still frustration present since i am not quite at the level of a marathon runner
but the other half of my brain continues to remind me that i never was
and for an ex-smoker/broken leg/post-baby/missing muscles/absent cartilage girl
what i accomplished today was a good thing.
i'll achieve marathon status sometime.
it's on my 'to do' list.

sadly
charlie slept through the whole thing and i had no one to share it with than the birds.

in other news -
i kicked diamond head's ass in oahu
and also accomplished the makapu hike to the lighthouse.
i got a pic for doc.
he told me in late march that if someone had told him i'd be running by now
he would have laughed.
so here's to you, doc.
i owe this experience to you.

in looking ahead at the whole living experience
i need to accomplish the following:

less coffee, more water.
more green stuff (charlie eats better than any of us).
more yoga (oh yoga - i miss you so).

where are you tripping up in life? where do you need to find your gait?
go well.

the culprit: gluten.

2009-03-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

bill suspects that he is allergic to gluten.
none of his suspicions have been confirmed
(or denied)
and he is basing this purely off internet research
and daily monitoring
(a doctor's appointment next week will, hopefully, provide more answers).

until then
we are doing our best to maintain a gluten-free lifestyle
and while a lot things are easy
(grilled meats
fresh fruit
vegetables
potatoes
gluten free chocolate cake mix...)
some things are very very hard
(bread
bread
bread
bread
pasta
bread...)

so i throw this out to you in the void
those seeking whole living
and co-existence with a spouse...

any good leads
on gluten free carbs?

the soundtrack.

2009-02-17T20:38:00.000-08:00

running is far more enjoyable
when the soundtrack spurs you on.
my play list for the week:

where are you going by dave
amazing grace by dropkick murphys
fuel by metallica (this is where the running starts)
dani california by red hot chili peppers
i'm shipping up to boston by dropkick murphys
st. anger by metallica (seriously the best running song ever)
south side of heaven by ryan bingham (slowin' it down now...)
bread and water by ryan bingham (pick it back up)
most likely you go your way by bob
don't wait for me by ryan bingham
soulshine by warren haynes (this is usually stretching...)

every so often i throw this in as a motivator.
they all have meaning for me.
yes, even st. anger.
most of the time i mount the treadmill just so i can listen to my music.
whatever gets me down there, i suppose.

congratulations!

2009-02-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

according to my 'inbox', i have officially completed the five week detox i originally intended to do.
yay me.
i didn't hold up my end of the bargain.
however.
i'm still running.
i'm up to a half mile and feeling great about it.
i'm revisiting 'eat pray love' by elizabeth gilbert (a text that set me on the journey to whole living before charlie was even a thought).
and i purchased my first issue of runner's world and have already found it to be a great resource (more to come on that...)
i don't know that i'll make the nyc marathon this year
but i hope i can look like this no matter how far i go.

day...i have no idea...but i'm running.

2009-01-30T07:01:00.000-08:00

0.3 of a mile.
it's not pretty.
it kind of looks like this.
but i'm running.
and now bill has it in my mind that we'll be traveling to hawaii this year.
dammit.
now i really have to kick my ass into gear
so i can look like this.
i suppose that the staff luncheon i just participated in will not help matters.
i suppose i'd better double up on the vitamin i and hit that treadmill a little harder tonight.

i'm taking suggestions for music and lit for easy listening whilst walking/sorta-kinda-running.

i hope this finds you all sticking with it.

day four of the walk...in heels.

2009-01-08T06:53:00.000-08:00

where do i stand.
today, i stand in heels.
and i am finding it is just as much of a workout as hopping on the treadmill.
i was told after the accident i wouldn't be able to wear heels again.
i was also told i wouldn't stand on my tip-toes.
once i met that challenge, i figured breaking out my favorite pair of black heels was in order.
my knee will pay the price, but it's worth it to make my ass appear as if it isn't sagging quite so much.

as eating goes, i feel i have made strides since before the new year.
we've managed to keep good food on hand and i haven't caved into temptation once (okay...once).
i have only eaten food from my house (despite the temptations in the teachers' lounge).
i am finding, however, that i am very much an 'eat out of boredom' person.
part of that may be leftover from quitting smoking (the whole 'oral fixation' thing).
i tend to be a mindless eater - i have a jar of almonds sitting on my desk that, on more than one occasion, i have found myself reaching for absently. i won't lie - i wish they were m&ms. however, the cravings are slowly starting to cease. bananas are a great substitute, as is yogurt.

so.
all in all, a good week so far.
i am pleased with the progress, but know it is only the beginning.
i need to get back on the treadmill.
bill has threatened divorce if i don't kick my ass back in gear.
bless him for being my biggest support...my biggest nag.

i've had several people ask me about the kinds of foods we keep on hand (especially with regards to organic foods). so just for fun...

Yo' Baby - yogurt for charlie which she loves! still working on getting her to drink the drinkables, but she likes these

Stonyfield Yogurt - i like the raspberry the best. however, there is no consistency in the consistency, so if you like your yogurt just so, you may need to stick with yoplait.

Almonds - a good substitute for other grab and go quick snacks. just about ten at a time. i love the flavored ones, but am currently just eating the 'raw' ones (unsalted).

Frozen veggies/fruit - we buy the organic frozen veggies and fruits from target (the archer farms brand). i'm a big fan of the steam-in-bag veggies...i can steam them for dinner and take the rest for lunch the next day.

Gerber - even charlie gets in on the action. she eats the 2nd foods, organic, from gerber. we are currently loving squash/veggies/rice and bananas/peach/oatmeal.

Yogi Tea - they make a mean green tea.

Best Organic Teas (with purpose!) - 'nuff said.

Silk - love the vanilla on my cereal, in my oatmeal, for my coffee...good stuff.

Oatmeal - add raisins and stir.

as we move along and find new and favorite things to eat, i will be sure to keep you posted. recipe ideas are welcome - i am not a very creative cook. anything i can throw on the george foreman is good (chicken, pork chops) and i love my salmon. i need some easy ideas!

i hope this finds you all meeting your resolutions.

day one - revised.

2009-01-05T12:41:00.001-08:00

hi, my name is amy and i'm a detox drop-out.
i wasn't lying when i said it was hard.
apparently, when one is breast-feeding, detoxing from pain meds and starting back to school after 17 days off, food detox is not a wise choice.
i crashed at about 1:00 from lack of caffeine and protein.
i had forgotten just how much protein my body depends on while nursing.

as i made my way to the grocery store, i made a decision through the pain:
i am getting a starbucks.

the 'detox' was not a total bust.
as a result, my thinking was tweaked.
as i strolled the grocery store aisles, i became much more atuned to the food i was presented with.
i begin to see groceries through my pre-pregnancy eyes again.
as i checked out, i scanned my cart and realized that i had not purchased anything in a can.
i had not purchased anything in a box.
i had not purchased anything processed.
i had not purchased chocolate.

everything was organic (including the free-range chicken, thank you very much).
everything was fresh.

so.
feeling like somewhat of a failure.
i mounted the treadmill last night in order to process.
it is the first time i have been on the treadmill since i was six months pregnant...which was nearly a year ago.
why was i so anxious to start the 'detox'?
was it ever really about detoxing or was it more about feeling better?
i was happiest when i was healthiest...not when i was hungriest.
i was happiest when i had a skip in my step...not a drag in my gait.

the 'detox' part of all this was simply a means for jumpstarting my year.
perhaps it wasn't the best method.
i appreciate all of you who gave support.
i appreciate all of you came forward today and told me you'd thought i was crazy to begin with.
this journey to whole living is nowhere near finished.

i am still just beginning.
i just decided to take a different road.

(on a side note: the treadmill was frustrating - i managed to do just over a mile in as much time as it used to take me to do two and a half. i'll get there, but am thinking i picked a pretty shitty time to wean myself off of the narcotics.)

i hope you will continue this walk with me.

grocery list.

2008-12-30T20:41:00.000-08:00

i stocked up in preparation for next week's detox. here's what wound up in the cart...

organic oatmeal (the magazine didn't specify, so i bought instant and slow-cooking...wanna take bets?)
brown rice (again...instant and slow-cooking)
split peas (anyone ever made these before? i'm open to suggestion)
organic kidney beans
organic broccoli (the frozen, steam in the bag kind)
organic apples (so much better than un-organic)
organic raisins (for the oatmeal)
organic lemons (i am supposed to drink a warm cup of water with lemon every morning)
organic carrots
tea (ginger, detox and a concoction that is supposed to help with my milk production)
olive oil
ginger
turmeric
garlic

there you have it.
my menu for the week.
you might note the absence of 'coffee' on the list.
heaven help my 8th graders...

yoga pages.

2008-12-28T18:50:00.000-08:00

in the back of my yoga journal are numerous ads for a variety of products.
normally i skip over them.
but an ad for a bracelet caught my eye.
it was the quote on the bracelet that drew me in.
and it is that quote
that i think i shall make mantra
on this journey.

"i am not what happened to me.
i am what i choose to become." - jung.

no more am i the broken leg.
no more am i the pregnant girl.
no more am i the new mom.

i am what i choose to become.
i guess sometimes the ads are worth looking at.

in the beginning...

2008-12-27T18:08:00.000-08:00

so.
what spurred this?
i suppose it's best to start from the start.
i got pregnant in august of 2007.
prior to that, i had become infatuated and nearly obsessed with organic and whole foods, yoga and running.
i lost weight as a result
but more than that
i was happy.
i loved the way i felt.
i got an extreme high every time i pushed myself to run a little farther
stretch a little further.
i had energy i hadn't had in years.

i have never loved my body.
i don't know many women who truly do.
there's always something.
but i was never one to take it to the extreme...
i loved my chocolate too much to give it up or throw it up.
exercise was never a word in my vocabulary.
my idea of stress release was a pack of cigarettes and a box of chocolate waxy donuts.

i came into all of this in college...at least that's where it started.
i got into a show on the oxygen network called 'inhale' with steve ross (no - not afro steve ross).
it was a yoga show set to upbeat music and ran at 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m.
i came across it one morning while smoking a cigarette and checking my e-mail.
i was intrigued.
i watched it a few more times before i started to try a few of the poses.
within a few weeks, i was up and ready, candles lit in my guest room eager for the surge of energy that came with the sun salutations.
as my practice intensified, i found myself eager to eat better.

then life happened.
my practiced fizzled.
my eating habits fell apart.
and in the blink of an eye, i was right back where i had started.

several years later, i discovered organic foods.
i can't even remember for sure what spurred it.
i know it started small - canned chili beans, i think.

it grew from there.
fresh produce from the farmers market.
free-range chicken.
organic macaroni and cheese.
i became obsessed.
when you eat organically, finding junk food is hard.
it grew.
soy milk.
no processed meats.
tofu.

my yoga practice fell into place.
i took a class.
in a studio.
i joined a gym.
i ran.
i had never run in my life.

the weight dropped, to be certain.
but i wasn't even trying.
maybe that was the key.

i read magazines.
i read books.
i became obsessed with healthy, whole living.

then i got pregnant.

now, i am by no means blaming my current situation on my child or her conception.
just another stepping stone in this journey to healthy living.
i actually feel i did well for the majority of my pregnancy.
in fact, being pregnant probably made me healthier.
i quit smoking.
my caffeine intake decreased drastically.
the running and yoga ceased as i became increasingly lethargic.
i had ups and downs with regards to my weight gain throughout the pregnancy.
sometimes i was up to much.
sometimes i didn't gain a pound.
i walked three miles a day.
i ate...pretty good.

then the accident.
pain killers made me lose my appetite.
exercise was out of the question.
i lost weight because i couldn't eat.
i lost weight because i lost muscle.
my organic habits got placed on hold.
i ate whatever was available.

since then
since charlie's arrival
since the mending leg
since the move
since the holidays
since the two for $4 m&m special...
i am back where i started.

here we go again.

here's where i am.
one thing that hasn't stopped is my eagerness to learn.
thus, i read.
one of my staple periodicals is body+soul
on page 79 of this month's issue is my challenge.
35 days.
part of the challenge involves journaling.
this is my journal.

so walk with me.
run with me.
stretch with me.
eat with me.

let's begin.

pieces.

2008-12-27T11:44:00.000-08:00

as i approach another new year, i find myself pushing along with over half of the population to attain goals related to body image.
two years ago, i was very pleased with where i was physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
it would seem much of that has gone to shit since then.
no not really.
but i'm nowhere near where i would like to be.
so as i approach a new year, i approach with a sense of determination.
and a plan.
all of which will be documented here.
it's cheaper than buying a journal.